What is sleep?

I know every mum complains about being tired and lack of sleep, what else is new?

Seriously, even when pregnant you have no idea how tiring it is to be a mum. Even if you’re blessed with a ‘good’ sleeper, you’ll be tired. Trust me.

However, I have not been blessed with a baby who likes or knows how to sleep. I do remember about 2 weeks when she was 12 weeks old where she slept for 5-7 hours straight per night; that did not last. That was utter, utter bliss. I felt like I’d cracked the Mum thing & I was out of the woods from the fourth trimester. I was lured into a false sense of security by my 3 month old.

However, I knew that some babies had a sleep regression at about 4 months. There was a bit of hope that Edie would skip it & continue on this sleepy path. To be honest, I don’t know why I was in any way optimist about it, as that’s generally not in my character anyway, but as a sleep deprived mum, you cling on to any hope you can!

Not only did the 4 month regression come along, it hit us hard! She didn’t wake as often as this as a newborn, what the hell was going on? She was now waking every 1-2 hours at night. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, so how we actually function the next day, I don’t know!

I kept telling myself that it would be over in about 6 weeks, as that’s what all the literature tells you. Hahahhahaha. How wrong I was! Edie never left the regression. In fact, I think we’re still in it, nearly 5 months later. Now, I would say I don’t want your sympathy, but I do. That’s what we mums need: sympathy, a shoulder to cry on and someone to tell you that it really is just shit. Don’t try and compare how tired you are, that will send us over the edge.

Now, I know it will get better. People keep telling me and I know that there are very few adults who still need support like babies do to go back to sleep, BUT I don’t want to always hear that. I don’t know why, because it should be reassuring, but I don’t always find that it is.

I do find it good for my mental health to realise that all mums are finding it as hard as you, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Some are better at hiding it, some are doing it for a second or third time and just don’t have the time to be exhausted, and some just plain lie to your face about their baby so you don’t judge them.

Just FYI, I will never judge you for how you parent your child. We all need to get through this together.

So for now, if you want to make me feel better, bring me a strong coffee, a bar of chocolate and a tub of Biscoff spread. Don’t tell me it’ll get better (even though it is quite nice to hear), just tell me that it is shit, that I must be feeling rubbish and that I’m not failing. That’s what has kept me going this far. That & my husband, but I don’t like to let him take all the credit.

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