Now, every mum must have heard of the shitty guilt fairy (if not, it’s from Hurrah for Gin, see here). And every mum has laughed along with the reality of it. However, some of us, read: me, haven’t quite come to terms with telling the aforementioned fairy to do one and are really struggling with it hanging over our shoulders!
Mum guilt is real and it’s fucking awful (I was trying to keep my blog a swear-free realm, but that’s obviously gone out of the window and, to be honest, is probably needed in this post too).
Mum guilt makes everything seem like a bad decision: sticking Hey Duggee on so you can have a warm brew? Bad mum; going for a bath for the first time since before you were pregnant? Bad mum; have a few hours out with the husband at night? Bad mum. I’ve still never had at bath (I’d like to point out that I have obviously showered).
Even though absolutely everything rational in your brain and everyone who knows you tells you that “you need time to yourself”, “you need time to recharge”, “you need time to be you”, you still feel like you should be putting on some ridiculously over the top show for your little one! I blame our society for this; women have to have everything and be everything. We have to have a husband, have a career, have a child, have a clean home, have a hobby, go to the gym, have an active social life and have everything else. Something’s gotta give! Usually, it’s anything that’s remote related to your pre-mum existence. So, we have to be supermum, superwife, supercleaner, supersocialwoman, superfitwoman, supersexywoman and superboss. That’s a lot of superwomen to be.
So, how about we ease off on the pressure of what women are “meant” to do. Let them be the mums they want to be, let them battle through the minefield that is motherhood without reminding them that they should also be the whole person they were before. It’s too much and causes far too much upset.
Let’s get rid of the shit guilt fairy and just support one another. Let’s give a massive middle finger to the idea of the perfect mum that society portrays.
I’ll say all this, but I’ll still get mum guilt; it’s inevitable. However, I’ll do my absolute best to stop feeling guilty about every little thing I do for an easier life some days, or for the things I do for myself. I need it, mumming is hard sodding work, and we deserve to mum without everything we do under the microscope.
Remember: if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!