I wanted to write something for E. She is the one who made me a mother and I want her to know that I thank her every day.
I don’t really know what to say or how to start this letter; other than I love you.
You are truly an amazing little girl and you make my heart burst multiple times a day. I’m sorry that I’m not always the most understanding or patient mum, but I’m growing with you.
I truly believe you’re making me a better person, you’re helping me to realise new ideas and take on a whole new perspective. For that, I thank you.
When you came along, I thought I knew what being a mother would be like, I was wrong. It’s infinitely better than I could have ever dreamed. It’s also infinitely harder than I could have ever expected. However, seeing how you grow, learn and interpret the world keeps me going and pushing to be the best mum I can be for my little girl.
When you were born, you also showed me your dad in a whole new light. I always knew he wanted to be a daddy, but he’s taken on that role with such pride and love, it’s amazing to watch him with you. You’re his absolute world, his shining star and he would do anything for you (although, when you’re older, he won’t let you know that).
You have been such a learning curve for me. I realise that sounds so disappointing, but it’s not. It’s been exciting and continues to be every day. It’s incredible to watch you grow from this tiny, helpless miniature human, into a clever baby girl. You’re growing and developing at such an alarming rate, that sometimes I get overwhelmed, but when I slow down, I realise it’s much harder for you than for me and yet you seem to take it all in your stride.
As I’m writing this, I’m nursing you back to sleep. Some days, I hate how reliant you are on me. I feel like I need space. Then I look at you and how tiny you still are, and I love that I am your safe space and that you need me.
You’re only 9 months old, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine life without our little girl. You’re truly amazing.
I’ll write to you again when you’re a bit older, but for now I want you to know that I know it’s hard for you to navigate this harsh, unforgiving world, but I hope that your dad and I, help to make it seem exciting, kind, safe and wonderful.
I love you forever, little E.