Starting Nursery…

I think this is a day that a lot of mums (and dads) dread. The day your little one starts nursery. There are two main things I feel mums really worry about:

  1. It means that maternity leave is coming to an end and you’ve also got to put on real clothes and go back to work.
  2. You’ve got to leave your baby with relative strangers and basically hope for the best.

E started nursery this week (though, I’m not back at work for two weeks) and I was not looking forward to it. It’s hard, you want a break, but as soon as you have to leave them, you want to go back within the hour and take them home.

In case you hadn’t already guessed, E is not a sleeper; so, my main concern was how is she going to sleep without boobies?! Well, unfortunately for E and I, it’s something that she’s just going to have to get used to. Her first day she only had one 30 minute nap, which to be honest I was surprised at because it means they can actually get her to sleep! However, it meant she was so overtired when I picked her up and she bawled her eyes out when she saw her dad and I. I felt terrible. The staff are very reassuring and I know she can only get better but I hate doing it to her. I feel like she needs me and I shouldn’t be so selfish. I know she loves the constant entertainment, being nosy and she’s eating pretty much everything but sleep is not her strong point and I wish I could be there to support her.

Today is only her second full day and she cried when I left her. My heart broke. I didn’t want to leave. I know she’s being looked after, but I felt like a terrible mum. Her little face looked at me like “don’t leave, mummy”. I hated myself for leaving her. I’ve been worrying about her all day.

I know it’s only going to get easier for both of us, but at the moment, I’m finding it really hard to be without her, even though part of me is always screaming for a break. Unfortunately, there’s no alternative as I’ve got to return to work at some point. So, I’ve got to buck up and pretend I’m ok with it until I am.

I’ll update you in a few months…

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