I’m very much an advocate of mums supporting mums; I believe none of us should judge the other as we’re all battling through every day and you don’t know what anyone is going through.
However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get envious of other mums.
Being a mum is hard and you’re forever hoping for something to make it easier: the day they start sleeping better, the day they can properly communicate with you, the day they can move about without you carrying them everywhere and the day that you will finally get a break. I’m guilty of this, I know plenty of mums that are too. We wish the time away, when we shouldn’t. What has all this got to do with being jealous I hear you ask? Well, because you start looking at other children who are already doing this and you become envious of the mum who seemingly has everything you want from motherhood.
One of the things that I am very guilty of being jealous of, is mums who can have an overnight break. I’ve had one since E was born. That was when she took a bottle and was only 4 months old, so wasn’t as aware of me not being there. I love the bond we have, I always will, but I do feel the green-eyed monster pop up when I see other mums who go out for the evening or overnight. I mean, I could do it. My husband will always do what he can to help me, but that goddamn guilt creeps in (not just mum guilt, but being brought up Catholic, that guilt hits you too). If I try to plan some time with my husband, I try to do it so we can go out in the day, because I feel like I can’t leave her with people overnight because her sleep is, well, terrible. So, when I see other mums who can go out with their husbands/friends/ themselves at night, I feel so, SO jealous.
I also find myself jealous of mums who are #blessed with children who sleep. I mean, I think this is pretty common, but I still get annoyed at myself for it. E will sleep one day, but for now I will be forever jealous of those mum’s who get to sleep in blocks of more than 1.5 hours at a time… Yes, really.
I know one day, E will sleep and it will probably come round sooner than I expect (or is that wishful thinking?) and I won’t feel jealous, because, I will be able to leave her. Then I won’t want to leave her, but that’s something for a whole different blog post.
I have nights away planned in this year and I’m going to have to be a big girl and know that she’ll be well looked after without me, but that doesn’t stop me worrying or being jealous of the mums that don’t have to worry about sleep situations like I do.
So, if you feel bouts of jealousy towards other mums or people you went to school with for having a more fun life than you, just try and remember what I also tell myself:
- Not everything you see on social media is what it seems
- One day, you will get to do the things you want to again
- They are only little for such a short time, and you need to try as much as you can to not wish this time away. We won’t get it back.