Being a mum is hard. We don’t get to sleep as much as we want, we have to hide and eat chocolate, we sacrifice our bodies; and, we have to give up a big chunk of freedom, but it is all worth it. It truly is. However, what no one signed up for is all the extra pressure – it is absolutely insane. It comes from midwives, family, friends, strangers on the internet, strangers in the street, colleagues and, in some cases, our other halves (dearest husband, you are not included in this, fear not).
We’re told as mums that we can have it all, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like an option. We HAVE to have it all. What if we don’t want it all? What if we just want to muddle through motherhood as we see fit and get back our life when WE want to? Surely, that should be what we’re told.
I was talking to a fellow mum about how her work were being unfair on her return, even though everything had been agreed upon. Why, in 2020, are women being punished for giving birth. If you choose to go back to work, you should not be made to feel guilty about it. Be it full-time or part-time, being a working mum is FUCKING hard. Stop judging us.
Another thing, is the pressure you feel to ‘not be a mum for a bit’. Yes, we are always dying for a break. but for me it’s not as easy as just popping out for a coffee. I have to work around my husband’s shifts, I don’t always have grandparents at my disposal and that’s absolutely fine. I also worry about E’s sleep. She’s still not the best and I worry that if I go on a night out that grandparents have to entertain her for ages when she wakes up because she won’t go back to sleep for them. Plus, I’m always worried about getting home in case she’s upset or something. In a year or so, that might be different, but for now stop pressuring me or invite me for a day drinking where I can be home for 7!
There’s pressure on you on how you feed your child. It shouldn’t matter. If the mum has made the decision which is best for them and baby, leave them alone. End of. Oh, and if you’re going to pass comment on a mum whapping a bap out to feed their child, have a word with yourself. You’re the problem, not a boob or hungry baby.
We all know that mums have an immense pressure to get back into their jeans. STILL. Please. if you judge a mum for still wearing maternity jeans 4 days postpartum, get out. It’s not realistic. Weight loss isn’t our top priority and why is our body your concern in the first place? Leave it alone.
As soon as you’ve popped you kid out people want to come see them. Fair enough, a new human is pretty exciting, BUT you do not have to have everyone round immediately. Give it a week, two weeks, hell, a month if you want. It’s YOUR family, do what is comfortable for you and bollocks to everyone else!
One of the worst things, in my opinion, is the sudden need to ask “when are you having another?’ to brand new mums.
1) We have literally just gone through the most painful experience ever. There’s a high chance we have some stitches somewhere. FUCK OFF.
2) Have you considered tha we might not want any more children? Plenty of people are happy with one child. Only children are people too.
3) I don’t know myself. Stop mentioning it. Stop asking. Stop dropping subtle hints. I don’t need it in my life.
The pressure on mums, new and seasoned, is unreal. Maybe, just maybe, if you’re not a mum, you should just smile and nod.